Bottle Beach

some days are just so wonderful....you go out with an idea in mind.. something you heard about.. to see it for yourself... it could be a bust or more than you expected..... 

NYC has so many surprises and finds when your an explorer ,which i like to think i am from time to time....

today was special.. thinking it was going to be a warmer day i wore very few clothes... but by near the seashore the wind was kicking up... and i found myself walking into a chill wind.. my nose running and trying to cover my newly short haircut and more exposed head with a scarf.....

never mind on with the exploration and search.. a littered space mostly of bottles, but other things too mixed in...i walked forever it seemed.. so enthralled i forgot how cold i was.... and warmed by the suns afternoon rays on the way back with my special finds...

an old mirror, cracked on the other side, a very old used hand bag, wallet, old soles and two shards of used pottery.. it felt like treasure to me.. and me the treasure hunter........... not so different from what i do with rocks, flowers and shells... but with this ... it’s history.. a past lived.. gone.. who owned these things.. where are they now...why i adore the flea market.. similar.. but finding.. discovering is the best

happy and full with a day well lived.. finished off with some good columbian food.. and a fire at home , cozy bed and a warm cat waiting to love me up... all is good .... good nite

Fragility Of Life

fragility of life................ so much beauty.. promise... but life throws curve balls.. cracks , creases, bumps in otherwise solid ground and steady terrain.... no matter.. the beauty, the promise always shines through.... might look faded , blurry in the distance.. one cant always see with full clarity... but in time.. things generally come into focus....... become sharp and clear and strong as always.. amazing thing about time , distance and gentle, loving kindness

A Day Of Deep Reflection

today was a day of deep reflection.. i had my second to last IV cancer treatment.. incredibly only one more to go on May 17...a day i could barely have imagined would ever come... but it has been over a year since i have been regulated by a schedule of treatments and hospital visits..... NO regrets, sadness, why me.....just deeply humbled from this whole experience.... i am indeed one of the lucky ones given a regime with the hopes of a long survival.. 

At the same time, this juncture is an odd space for me..a time of reckoning.. trying to make sense of everything that has happened, that i have experienced...putting all the pieces together as i try to navigate the future ... how have i changed? how do i see my todays.. tomorrows? what might i do differently.. few of us get to look at things from a new perspective after such a viable scare... the way i process my day to day... feels different.. more acceptance.. graciousness with self and others......it’s been a period of profound growth

ironically, happening simultaneously is the sale of my parents home, two years after my precious dad has passed...another big wound that i have finally been able to synthesize into my understanding of what is life...how we live.... which includes death..we learn so much about how to live.. but very little about how to die.. in fact it’s a squeamish topic most of us don’t even want to discuss. including myself at times.. i still fear death because i want to live... but i know that facing it through the ones we love who are lost and by ones own frailty brings a greater understanding of what is important... . too many lose sight of this, caught up in things that ultimately matter so little

what i know... is that we are capable of handling more than we think we can.. that while life has a funny way at times of escaping us, that it’s important we slow it all down.. we move, act too fast.. keep too busy.. limit our focus..... for me .. i just want to dream big and make as many things happen as i can.. to not be limited by fear and the unknown.. to take a few more chances.. and to love up all those i care about and to spend precious time..

Restless Spirit

eyes half- closed.. dreaming.. thinking of places that warm my heart...open land...small villages....oh cities. always cities too... .. 

sometimes i wonder if my spirit.. soul is seeking something more... not an accumulation of more... more quality and meaning in the day to day... 

very much understanding and realizing that my being is sometimes restlless.. and needs to move around.. see. take in.. inject... absorb.... mb to be re-awakened again and again... spurting new growth...... like a refresh button....

at 58, and yes I’m 58 years YOUNG.. lots to do and think about......common for those of us pushing up the numerical chart to reflect about where we have been... where we are.. and where we are going.. or want to go........ 

reminds me of all the books i read in the early 70’s - khalil Gibran- the prophet, be here now- Ram das, our bodies ourselves, man’s search for meaning(frankl), anais nin.. could go on and on...

what were some of yours???

significant person in my life, dad

i have been doing a lot of life processing in recent months...much needed after a turbulent number of years.. we all have our narratives..all significant... but how we get through them, survive, endure, progress... THRIVE.... is very important to our well being, balance and over all health...

for those who know me well... a very significant person in my life was my father....for so many reasons... often tough and judgmental and not always available to me as child he became the beacon of wisdom, compassion, honesty, decency for me and many others...... his integrity was so strong.. and the abundance of love and care he put out to those who mattered to him or for those in need.. was unsurpassable... he sought to help, change and enrich the course of lives of so many others... .. 

I’ve been bestowed i’d like to think with his heart, and character... and my ability to be tenacious.. have fortitude.. gratitude.. and a huge generosity of spirit.......and most of all LOVE

but even with all of that.. one can be broken now and again.. withstand hurts and pains.....we are all strong and weak... i watched him never waiver in his sadness over my mothers loss and his devotion to her til his dying bed... wedding band still on his left hand....... he taught me so much

during his last years i tried to shoot some photos to document this decline and impending absence...... but every time since i go to edit or contemplate putting anything together( and it has now been two years) i am just immobilzed to do so

in searching for something else last nite this image just appeared out of nowhere.. you may not see his face.. but it is indeed a portrait of my father in his last months... (well he thought he may have years.. but in fact it probably was a month or two before he passed)

so now I’m seeking the courage to now go and Look.. Re-visit my father.. without fear of the pain it brings. or sadness.. but to bring the joy too of how lucky i was to have such a father.. who despite the early years.. in the last half of my life was the most significant person for me.....and the reason it hurts so much is that i know no one else quite like him.... I was indeed very lucky! 

he always had so much courage. set such a good example.... so do I.. nothing or no one takes me down for long.. i always find a way to get up, find my inner strength and footing ..... so I’m going to be tender with myself..and do the same here....take the opportunity now and this spring to revisit these photos if ever so slowly and put something together mostly for myself, but also in tribute and memory to my dad

awe of growing older

i have such an appreciation and awe of the elderly, but more so now as i get older...(and in reality I’m still very young in comparison)...

i think about the full lives they have lived... the untold stories.history of their times.....how this lady taking her cat nap in the middle of day... was once a thriving probably beautiful elegant lady.......

what was her life like as a child?..... who did she love and how did they meet? Did she raise a family and where are all her family members and friends now? as she reaches a ripe older age, is she at peace? .. happy...calm...feeling like her life was full, well-lived..... just taking in the days...and taking her rest now.......

my hats off to her and a nod to all those growing old with ....and to those of you who still have your parents and grandparents around..... i sure miss mine so so much... what i’d give for one more day with them..... my dad would have been approaching 94, my mom 86. sometimes i wonder what age will i live to......but i don’t really want to know... i just want to live my life proud.. with dignity, compassion and a ton of love.

What Happens in The Street

it’s been a long time since I’ve been up and about on the streets with my camera for any duration.. mostly local... close proximity to where i am.

the other day no different, but that i went to harlem to walk around, to feel the goodness and vitality of walking in the fresh air.. camera with me...not expecting much of anything but to feel the joy of being out in the universe

what happens on the street is always these wonderful anecdotal moments with short, but meaningful engagements with people.. Life...

this lovely woman was sitting in her chair.. taking in the unlikely warmth on a winters days... you could hear birds chirping in the sky above... if you closed your eyes you would think it was april.. but it’s december....

i knew she was quite old but her skin looked so young. and there was something magnetic about her... i went up to talk with her..... 102 years Old! she has outlived her two sons... came from Georgia many years ago... and has a 60 year old Grandson! even told me she has a bf! a smile.. a chuckle... a twinkle in her eye..... and in me..... a few shots and off i go

Little Sleep State of The World

i didn’t sleep well last nite.. too much watching the news. worrying about the state of affairs in this world and in our country.... we are in a war with ourselves... inbred war ... stemming from a multitude of issues.. not just one... and not really focusing on the root of these issues.. be it gun control, mental health, so many disenfranchised left out of the system, religious intolerance.. it’s a country feeding on itself.. in ugly ways.. and making us all so disheartened. pained. uneasy..

yeah we want to go on with our lives.. and we do.. but we can’t go on to the next and the next event..like flavors of the week.. we need to pull these systemic problems apart..we have to find collaborative ways to fight back with peace...  

and then add salt to the wounds we have people we can’t even fathom how they are there. like trump running for office.. and all the people supporting him.. so there in lies another problem.. that people can get behind a man like this.... i scratch my head in complete disbelief...

i think about young women/ men ready to have children.. those already with them.. i can’t imagine how they talk about these things...and explain . bc it’s so random... and happening so often.....how are we to feel safe? were we ever safe? 

there has always been wars. atrocities... but this randomness of little wars... when you don’t even know they are declared.. on defenseless and underserving innocent civilians... dying for no cause of their own.. I’m sickened. sad.. bewildered..... and feel unsettled....  

i hope there will be a way for a better future ahead.. i hope the youth.. become a force... socially minded... less financially so.... not that they dont need money. but most important is a Conscience..................... i dont know how to operate in a world where many dont have that.. scary stuf