significant person in my life, dad

i have been doing a lot of life processing in recent months...much needed after a turbulent number of years.. we all have our narratives..all significant... but how we get through them, survive, endure, progress... THRIVE.... is very important to our well being, balance and over all health...

for those who know me well... a very significant person in my life was my father....for so many reasons... often tough and judgmental and not always available to me as child he became the beacon of wisdom, compassion, honesty, decency for me and many others...... his integrity was so strong.. and the abundance of love and care he put out to those who mattered to him or for those in need.. was unsurpassable... he sought to help, change and enrich the course of lives of so many others... .. 

I’ve been bestowed i’d like to think with his heart, and character... and my ability to be tenacious.. have fortitude.. gratitude.. and a huge generosity of spirit.......and most of all LOVE

but even with all of that.. one can be broken now and again.. withstand hurts and pains.....we are all strong and weak... i watched him never waiver in his sadness over my mothers loss and his devotion to her til his dying bed... wedding band still on his left hand....... he taught me so much

during his last years i tried to shoot some photos to document this decline and impending absence...... but every time since i go to edit or contemplate putting anything together( and it has now been two years) i am just immobilzed to do so

in searching for something else last nite this image just appeared out of nowhere.. you may not see his face.. but it is indeed a portrait of my father in his last months... (well he thought he may have years.. but in fact it probably was a month or two before he passed)

so now I’m seeking the courage to now go and Look.. Re-visit my father.. without fear of the pain it brings. or sadness.. but to bring the joy too of how lucky i was to have such a father.. who despite the early years.. in the last half of my life was the most significant person for me.....and the reason it hurts so much is that i know no one else quite like him.... I was indeed very lucky! 

he always had so much courage. set such a good example.... so do I.. nothing or no one takes me down for long.. i always find a way to get up, find my inner strength and footing ..... so I’m going to be tender with myself..and do the same here....take the opportunity now and this spring to revisit these photos if ever so slowly and put something together mostly for myself, but also in tribute and memory to my dad