After The Fires

what i've been doing all of covid.. editing a lot of work...

it's been an intense weekend, going through and editing a huge portfolio of three "after the fires".. years 2015, 2017 and 2020 in sonoma county...

when my son moved to northern cali 11 years ago.. it was to be for a couple of years.. i knew then as i do now that he is embedded there.... and even if he were to move again.. it most likely will not be back to NY

what i didn't know, nor did he, is that evacuations and living under the threat of fire would be something he would contend with.. in fact the first 7 years there were no fires.. and no one thought about them, because they were not an issue or prevalent for that area in the past

roll forward to climate change.. yes there is climate change... hot temps, low rainfall and now it is very serious..every fall..

I remember the first fires... the phone call at 3 am.( i actually hung up on my son for not realizing the time difference, only to have him call again and again and say he is evacuating..( first fire) i remember sitting on my porch for two weeks listening to the radio and awaiting texts.. i even went out in the middle of the nite for a banana and cigarettes.. and i don't smoke.. and sat there chain smoking in fear

that year and all the ones that followed i always found myself there within 2 weeks after each fire.. ... friends of his losing homes... he evacuated, but coming back to the land.. behind the lines..... so much devastation the likes i had never seen before... up close and personal...... the heartbreak mostly of lost precious items of family connection and memories.. the displacement of lives, community.....

here in NY, the Northeast we may get a few storms. but nothing the likes of this..and not repetitively..... i wanted to bear witness and began documenting back in 2015

it's a robust portfolio that leaves you heavy in a swirl of devastating emotions just like being engulfed with the fire all over again...but there is beauty... and in the end there is also recovery.. a flower in the midst of charred ground.. and this time, (i just spent the last 5 weeks there) the green grasses and flowering trees emerging within devastation.....

i have much to choreograph, but it is with love and huge respect for all those that battle this again and again and all those that work tirelessly to save lives and property

Generations

i shot these two images within a short period of time of one another on the same day......

first it was the striking red jackets and then the general facial expressions and body language that drew me in......

but what really got to me later...was that it was if i was looking at the same face of that child and then her as the older woman.... seeing into the future and who and what she might have become and look like at that older age

it made me think of a mulitdude of images i remember and have retained of myself , family and others .. and how we are changing over time....... when you are younger.. you just see those that are older.. as you age.. you see those younger.. reflect.. and now see yourself on that scale

my number may be older.. but im going to live up to my moms title for me.. Perennial teenager!!!

Taking Stock In One’s Life

as we have gone through this hellacious year.. and approaching the next one.. i often find myself taking stock of my life.... i'm not old, but i'm not young either...and i have been tested hard a few times...there are no guarantees, but to live ones life to the fullest and to sweeten it up where you can.

where do i want to be spending most of my time? how do i want to use it?

one thing i know is that i dont want to spend time trying to elevate myself.... but elevating others..even a little goes a long way.. i love engaging in communities... I love my air b and b and the incredible guests, from all over the world.. I love my friends and family.... and i love exploring new places... and ritualistically returning to my favorites.. latin american , west indies, south west.. maine..Northern Cali.. etc...... and of course don't think i'd not include photography , that IS my heart, My Soul.. Photography sets me on fire when i get it right...my center...

i am editing 10 years of time spent shooting in Jamaica.. the place where i first fell in love with image making.. ..i owe a lot to to this place on so many levels... I remember most of the people i photographed.... spent time with them, even a small conversation or anecdote.. my short term memory is horrendous. but my long term memories from here are sharp and clear.. i have lots of stories

this girl standing at the fence in front of her home flailing her arms and screaming Nina...."come back".. i had just spent time with her, and her family. they wanted me to come in and see their home. the mom Corrine.. a single mother of three... shared a most intimate burden.. she was pregnant and could not raise another child... did i know of anyone that wanted to adopt... her house was leaking from the rain.. i could see the dirt beneath her floor boards... i helped as best i could with what was so glaringly apparent and took her number to send things from the states, especially for the kids.. all the things we take for granted here.. pencils notebooks, an education..... i tried to find her 5 years ago when i went back... but didn’t succeed...

so now as i wonder about my future.. i wonder now where she and her children are..are they in a better place... i feel a strong desire to find them.. but most importantly to go back to the island that fostered so much spirit, curiosity, generosity, and humanity in me.. i had it before, but it expanded ten fold in me..... my heart is large...... i feel lucky to have loved this island and so many people and to have them love me back

To Love And Love More

Thinking about love.. what and whom we love…. it's valentine's day ,a hallmark holiday that bombards you...that in and of itself means zip… but what lies beneath is one of the most powerful life forces that guides and inspire us…and fills us up in ways we can hardly comprehend.

I certainly know I could not live without it.. it makes me feel high..... whether people, places or ideas…. love of family- my parents, My child. My friends(and they are my family too!), My animals,all animals.... intimacy/love with a partner-one of the best..………. That’s just in the immediate circle……

then the love of so many other things that make you feel alive…. A big moon that lights the night sky.. the sound of the surf as you sleep with the windows wide open.. bare feet…lightening bugs on a summer nite.... hot baths filled with bubbles.. showering outside naked… picking rocks along the waters edge looking for just that one… clean sheets…. Newly shaved legs… hot cocoa with whipped cream…. A puppy's unexpected lick right across your face …. landing somewhere hot after running away from winter's frigid air...….fighting/standing up for what is right… reaching out to someone with something seemingly so small, but meaning so much..a good conversation.... the birth of a great idea, laughing so hard you wish you had on depends........ photography again and again.. seeing something that sets my heart on fire.. yes my heart.. pounding..i can feel it in my chest....

all I know is one thing.. TO Love and Love More!

When Your Resistance Is Low

mornings are hard for me... when your resistance is down you feel everything....

generally i'm a very positive person... the one animated. talking. laughing ,.. deep dives in conversation.. albeit mixed with a lot of alone time... a place and space i always need.. regeneration. peace.. i like the balance...

however, i feel ... No i know i have been fighting low grade depression.. anxiety, stress from all that has gone on in this country these past 4 years.. and some of this long before.. and forever... but rearing its ugly head

i have told myself winning the election, the inauguration i will feel much better.. finally intelligent and sane politicians, activists pushing the needed agenda on institutional racism..climate, immigration, this pandemic.. and so much more

Yes i was elated on Jan 20th... bagels and lox with friends watching Biden become the President..such pride in Kamala Harris as the first black VP woman... the marvelous poet Amanda Gorman my new hero... and yes happy each time Biden signed an executive order for those most fundamental issues.. something in my mind that is a no brainer...even normal decency seemed so unusual after the madness

but reality kicks back in.. we don't have enough vaccines bc of Trump.. he is a murderer in my eyes..people died and are dying bc of his ignorance and many republicans too.. all accomplices...... many not all , are radicalized and have changed this country in a way that may just may be virulent.. to me they are the virus. the pandemic that may happen again.. and i'm scared.. to the core...

they turn their head on the insurrection, as if a child broke a toy.... who are we ?? well not me.. but who are they??? .. all of those people that live inside a farce of lies, hatred... and want to derail everything our democracy stands for, and is now very much at stake.

and now warnings of more terrorist actions by our own citizens on our own citizens..

bare with me. .I'lll find my smile and peace and goodness and equilibrium.... it is there.. i'm still nina after all...i am productive doing things in spite of it all. .. have many moments of ease and peace.and joy..... but i feel so changed by all of this.. WE ALL ARE.. A PTSD of a sort....

this photo really symbolizes what i feel. the fragility.... the animal that got away.. escaped...just a few hairs remain.. of being contained. reprimanded.............. i feel this is US we made it through.

But if trump is not impeached.. and he won’t be... i fear him or his family will be back.. i don't know about you but i can not withstand that again. he took 4 years of our mental real estate... and i thought i was done with it.. but i see it remains.. i'm fearful but i have got to move forward with joy and purpose..

can't wait to hug all of you.. my people.. my family.. move with freedom not in fear of disease..

Group hug please

Re-unite the Children

like so many others that have been wrestling so profoundly with the unfolding events in this country.... the pain , anguish , hurt, defilement.. ....i melted into a puddle of tears... i shook my head in shock and disbelief..... and then check- mate... NO.. not at all.

we have been seeing this coming... but our leaders did not act and do what is necessary.. nice for the words in the last hour.. but NO.. no pass..no off the hook.... you LET this happen.. you are all Culpable... and this is where a huge part of the grief and shock lie... and yet it is clear.. transparent.. blindingly so....

guardians of our constitution who put self and ambitions above the people they swore to serve and protect...... the alliances that took hold. broke... took hold again..... the standing down of the Capital police.. no not all of the police... but a stand down none the less of many...... they may as well have opened and held the door .. the worst is the huge divide that exists in this country.. by the t poisonous beliefs that are inherent and others spread by pure fiction.....

i look forward. always hopeful.. and try to find the silver linings. which there are so many.. bc for all these heinous people who are responsible for so much hatred..... there is a huge tribe of people out there with brilliant minds. hearts.. compassion. decency and honesty.. willing to call it like it is...fight for what is right... see it for what it is.. no BS.. many compadres on here i respect so very much.. we have made it through so much. and we will continue to do so..

i wish Biden and Harris, and all those he brings on board.. the best we can offer in support...

But now i think and am reminded of the children that were ripped from their parents arms and fell into an abyss with no leads to where they are .....as those mothers and fathers cry in pain.. some put up for adoption, even without the permission of the parents they were kidnapped from.. i hope this is something high on the agenda too. to reunite as many of them that is possible

Dark Days of Electoral Madness

just when you think your nervous system has calmed from a year of hell.. pandemic and trump....

for me my fear was so much worse about trump..... i never feared covid... i just knew what i had to do ..what was my responsibility... and hope i would make it through.....but trump......

to listen all day to this maniacal , corrupt ,sick son of a ..... try to cajole, threaten , intimidate to overthrow a closed won election was beyond any mini series i could have watched.... i woke with anxiety....

i know he will not suceed..but there is no way to metablize the illness, not just of trump but of our govt.. what is checks and balances if this man has been able to torture us for so long.. and yet it feels torturous to me..

i look out this window. i do see the light...but so much damage has been done.. to our country... politically and from loss to this pandemic, because that same man has not been willing to take charge and steer us through.. to save and help the people he was elected to protect and now tries to rape...yes rape...... jan 20 can’t come soon enough...

Eyes The Connection To The Seat Of The Soul

..the eyes the connection to the seat of the soul... they communicate so much that words can’t penetrate.