today someone mentioned their wife... the years that have passed since she had cancer...... and i remembered so acutely..that this was the weekend my hair starting falling out everywhere... and how stressed , afraid and uncomfortable i was... .... it was the dreaded time to shave my head
my tears are flowing.. bc i don’t really allow myself to go back and dwell on it.. i may see an image of myself.. feel a sense of surprise.. like who is that?... and just move on... i suppose i just attack it the way i did going through it.. day by day.. it sucks , feels unfair(what in life is fair?) but it’s on my plate.... i can get through it.... and I did and i still am!
But now, as i look through a portfolio i am currently working on..... and i sit with any of the images for more than a few seconds it brings me to utter tears.... painful to review.. maybe because i DID live through all that.. I DID process and share..and it feels almost surreal, shocking to me... . and while I’m not 100 % done... i am approaching a big finish line with IV treatment on May 17.. did i say...... c e l e b r a t i o n
i think it's so important to recognize and acknowledge lifes experiences fully.. whether joyful or painful.... at least for me... and.... today i am remembering that very difficult weekend one year ago......
i remember this day last year.... my son, his girlfriend and my sister in-law being here... cutting my hair slowly.. at first me even embracing it.... until i knew it was over and we really had to shave it.....so difficult seeing it all collect on the floor,, feeling like i was a concentration camp victim.. i know that sounds harsh.. but it’s how i felt.. like someone terrorized me and took off my shield.. one is never more exposed than when something like this happens to them..
The Good news.....i am forever changed and grateful...I feel lucky.... and know that every day is important to me.. that people, family and friends are cherished... that I’m open to what lays ahead for me.... Yes i am! Ready for change and experience... Bring it on!
May 17 is celebration day for me..