my life has always been and remains passionately integrated with family , friends , loved ones....but at the end of the day... i have come to understand that ultimately each man stands alone............
how we live our lives makes a difference..... not just for ourselves, but impacts everyone around us
it's a gift.. what we choose matters.. how we behave matters.. how we share matters.. how we help and fight for others matters.....
aloneness gives you the gracious time for deep revelation... and a profound perspective
There You Are
My venture and love of Maine began as a young 4th grader when my parents wanted to get rid me for the summer because my older brothers were already gone to camp in Maine…and they wanted a Kids free house… so there i went..….. except i landed there and was deeply homesick and cried to come home… but No way.. i was to stay for two months… learn to suck it up and get with the program…
so i literally went step by step to get through the days until the distilled moments became like a different rhythm.. one that i didn’t know would grow on me..
walk down a trail to your bunk… trying not to trip on all the roots in the ground.. it became a fun game… the smell of morning dew.. the light lowering at nite on a lake,and once in awhile a dusk skinny dip… lightning bugs shimmering all around.... the walks down long winding roads just to get to a candy store with your bunk, where you'd buy those small wax bottles with colored sweet juice… ….. small seemingly non- moments became some of the best memories of a life-time
years later i ventured to Maine regularly, having a sister- in law that lives there…and two newly found friends ( now 22 years later) who live in different areas of the state.. and a brother who has a home on an island..
Maine= Summer= Decompress to a slow movement.. tick tok .... things in slow motion…... whether taking a drive and getting lost …the biggest decision is to go left or right.. lobster rolls or steamers… high or low tide…country drives.... the one and only town store… all the houses with laundry flying in the wind.. beaten down barns and lots of buoys and fisherman, …wild flower fields... flea markets, picking rocks, dives in a pond… whoopie pies.. how many i can eat in one visit and how many i can carry home…cemeteries.. collecting berries and making jam……hunt for a moose…. the old salty dogs i’d chase for a portrait and conversation,.. the search and count of trailers... the small insignificant, but most delicious moments.. signage everywhere... .. boats afloat on grass sitting on cement….. sitting somewhere in quietude with a book.. or just staring into beautiful open space.
maine is one of those places that is beautiful from the outside, but has a tempo and a tune all of its own.. and if you don't get it at first, just wait a minute and you will in time… live for the seconds. …the unexpected .. barns filled with vintage books, so much discovery.. and mostly about yourself, because you can actually hear your heartbeat and thoughts.. now this is coming from a new yorker.. two worlds apart yet so different and so complimentary.
there i am. there i was. it just is.. you just are.. be….. you go by the seat of your pants..revel in the moments.. some days are just …..ok here is morning.. here is nite.. yep found some wild mushrooms on the side of the road.... oops i left my glasses on the hood of the car and i just ran over them… yep legion halls announcing a bean dinner and bingo… yep .. get your tarp or taaaarp.. let’s get in the caaar ., which way… this way… those accents are so damn endearing..
maine is. there you are. there you go.. there we were…yep that’s all
there we were.... part of my portfolio from website... www.ninaweinbergdoran.com
Loss... endings... Life
i wasn't going to post and remember my dad today bc recently i posted a reflection from deep inside....... i am not down.... this is just life.......sometimes things bookend each other.. mb his anniversary today is a subtle reminder.. a nudge. . his love... that i have what it takes... that he is proud of me.. and that i need to also honor myself..... and i do that by sharing our life experiences..
8 years half passed since my fathers passing.....13 for my mother... anchors in my life.. ...other losses too... different kinds of loss...painful ones.....part of the living experience....
passing.. what does that mean?? an ending... the taking of that last breath. the space between when life as we know it ends..and going over to the other side..... transitioning to where?.....
we constantly grapple for meaning in life...to figure out what really matters...... so much of what we focus on does not....... and then you are no longer here........life as we know it.. gone........that can’t be the end......all that navigating.. learning.... .exploring.. all that history/ memory......
i have grappled for years now.. . trying to wrap my head around the multitude of experiences and emotions i’ve felt.... part of this wonderous life...........riding the waves... some very peaceful..magnificent... fantastic in fact..... some so lonely and painful... and then rejoicing....... in the memories.. the gratefulness i feel to experience all that it means to be human.....
when i feel those losses deep inside myself.. almost like a heart beat... rising to the surface ..... a feeling like presence overcomes me.... i see signs.... .feel that person....even those alive i feel lost from.. then connect........ is this spirit? what is the power of our minds related to this?? a connection.. or a way to conjure up and comfort our selves... or both. or a power greater than us
all i know is when i love.. i love so hard.. deeply.. that i take that person in fully.. and they become so much a part of me..i carrry them with me.. always... never forgotten.... i feel lucky for that.. even though loss is painful... to not love enough to feel the pain of that loss.. is the worst Loss of all.
today i honor that memory of my dad.. maybe gone,. not forgotton. ..life... the grandeur we still get to experience in the here and now.....and the love and depth i feel for so many that are here still wandering this earth with me.............this is not a downer.... rather just the opposite....... there is so much exquisite in the here and now.. and so happy im still here to taste as much as i can........ i take nothing for granted.... so much more work to do , experience and love and memories to create....
Belonging and Nomadic Life
I've been feeling unsetted for a long time.. i know where my home is.. where i keep all my belongings and beloved collections..I have a great air b n b where i love to host.....i meet so many great, dynamic people.. but they come and go ....... and since the pandemic ....so do i....
i've vascillated between NY and Sonoma County, California for the better part of two and a half years.. with one or two intermittent short trips..(maine and the southwest)...... and i'm always happy to come home...... want to.....my bed.. my space ..that reaks Nina......... but then at the same time i just feel disconnected, ...... like i don't really belong anywhere.. and yet while that is not entirely true, it is how i feel.. do any of you ever feel that way?
i keep saying i'm nomadic, when people comment on my comings and goings..... it’s really mostly NY/CA( to be with my son....but also, i'm just restless.. like im searching to find that time or place where i say..finally, i am where i'm supposed to be and i feel good...
i do think in part it is because i'm single. i deal with life on my own accord.........make all the decisions... no one to balance the responsibilities with me...........11 years ago i separated from my husband after a long 27 year marriage together.. i've accomplished many things.... .found my inner strength and know i am more capable than i ever gave myself credit for... . but now as i'm getting older...... i feel slightly adrift..... where do i belong?. what or who am i looking for?.. what do i want?.........what dreams or desires do i want to make happen?
i love my friends.. my family.. i feel deeply committed to all of them. would drop anything if needed............but i feel like a lone star....
today it made me think a lot about the word nomad and what it means to be nomadic... and the time i spent in Morocco.. especially the Moroccan Sahara where i spent many days visiting nomadic communities... and taking photos...... i mostly spent my time with the women...
this place among others- some new, some old.. i have a deep connection with, an other worldly feeling.. bonding... and i feel the desire to finish or continue what i began some years ago....... but it's all about memories.. desires...
not sure about the rest of you , especially those in my age group...... i'm older than i feel... 64 are you kidding me????.ill be ready for medicare next year??? what????? . i know i'm still in my 40s right??? of course i am... i'm young and tenacious. a lot of good energy and love to go around.. but i realize our bodies will not always keep up with our minds..... and i feel like i'm at a time where i’m reckoning with what was.... what is.... and what will be......
photography has been one of the biggest gifts in my life.. the language i speak without having to think in advance about what i'm trying to say... it’s inherently a part of me.. and provided me with so much of my spirit.. and it is here where i know i will fine some more of me and whatever this dis//// ease i'm feeling.....
maybe in these spaces of the unknowing are the biggest spurts of growth and understanding........
Here are two nomadic jewels....i spent the afternoon with......
After the Protest
the day was long. i had been walking for hours in the Mexican countryside capturing images and engaging with people. i even had a dead battery and had to wait on a desolate road until an elderly indigenous couple in a rickety old truck stopped to help me
arriving back to where i was staying at nightfall , i saw a gathering of people swelling by the hour into the 100's. it was an indigenous protest lasting until the wee hours of the morning and continuing to the next day.
of course i ran and got my fast lens for the darkness and stayed up talking w everyone, proudly utilizing my growing spanish to understand and give support.
eventually i had to get going. it was very late and i got a call to make my way home , that my dad was sick , in the hospital and might not pull through. i made it home the next day, he did not pull through and i was at home with him and the rest of my siblings for his passing
but... meanwhile as i went to my hotel room to sleep for an early departure i noticed all the men and women were not leaving, but would remain in protest in this square and went to bed on the sidewalks and patches of green.
the whole experience had my heart pumping... their fight for social justice and them standing firm, and bedding in place, which led to this image
between the experience of this protest and the last few nights of my fathers life i will never forget taking this image.
so it is an honor and i'm pleasantly surprised to see my photo here for the opening Creative Portrait exhibition at LACP, with Juror Aline Smithson
Nina’s air b n b
... hellllllo up there.. drone......
yep it's me... from my sweet cottage that i air b n b on my property..
people ask what i do.. i always say photographer, chambermaid and ambassador.... i love two out of three, and when i can, I get someone else to take over my chambermaid duties... (even though i'm quite the cleaner)
this place has been an added surprise to my life.. first built as a place to hold tools , mowers etc..... but my son asked for a small space inside to play his guitar.... this is what was built and designed by my x, with no plans.. he just started building...and 3 months later...
ultimately, it never had a mower or tools in there ,.. but my son playing his guitar, hanging out with friends.. a social gathering place of sorts... ping pong.. etc..
it was later moved to where it is now, on the other end of my property... and when it was vacant and unusued for two or more years one of my very dear friends pushed me to have an air b n b. this was when air b n b was just taking off... i heard about it ,but had never stayed at one
i asked her why would i do that? i live here alone...she told me i love people... people love me.. i love to talk to strangers... and i'm a natural host.. besides my yard is lovely and quiet..... and i'll make some income
after prodding and prodding me.. i ran around the property taking photos. put up the site and a month later pushed the button to publish the offering..... i felt like a fraud , i had no idea what the heck i was doing.
i never thought anyone would come here... and yet after the moment i hit the button my phone texts were alarming me every moment with requests....
8th year in and i’ve had hundreds of guests, many repeats and friends made, sharing of books, movies, travel, recipes, wine , meals...philosphies.. talks into the nite with fireflies, ping pong contests.... and yes they have tons of time alone, go off on their own adventures, and me often out or away as well... ...it's a good mix... and culturally wonderful as well since so many are from overseas..
i called it the love shack for a bit as a joke(me the madame), bc i've had so many couples.. getting away.. falling in love... engaged.. with babies. back as older couples, seeking alone time... i also joked there was more sex going on in there than i have had for a long time............. i also have tons of artists, photographers, film makers, writers, people in every part of the workforce.. but what i have in common with most of my guests.. like 95 % of them.. is shared humanistc beliefs about the world. ..connection, diversity, tolerance. open minded.. issues like climate, politics, race issues..... i’m so lucky to attract people here with great values...down to earth, heart.. generosity..spirit
... my friend was right. it has been perfect for me... and it's been a silver lining.
i actually rent my main house as well some times.. for several weeks or a month, and shut the cottage when i go away if i have a several week or monthly renter..
i also have an ongoing project based on this place.. still figuring out how to manifest it.. started with polaroids of people,what i learned about them in a few days, all their writings to me in many books, drawings, ephemera, stories, funny moments, articles....
lucky me for this wonderful surpise in my life. thankyou Cara Romano, and all my wonderful guests that keep on giving...
not sure how long i'll be here and keep doing this.. but i feel no matter where i would ever go i'd love to keep doing this... it brings the wider world, people you would never meet or talk to, closer together
The History In One’s Feet
i’m often told i take a lot of images of hands and feet......it’s true i have since the very beginning when i had no idea what i was doing..it was instinctual....
later on i have learned that i'm a photographer of gestures, nuances, subtle and not so subtle expressions...
parts of the body can inform or tell a story about a person, sometimes just as much as an image with a face
i sat with this very old man in the town of Almolonga , Guatemala, trying to piece together a conversation with my newly acquired spanish at the time.. he worked long hours for most of his life, and often barefoot...up in the hills outside of town.. you can see by his hardened dry feet, and his toes that have seemingly taken years of beating and the cane now held just off to the side that this man has walked a million miles... so much history in those feet.. Where have they been? the story lies in the darkened areas of dry patches and aging,. i remember this man like yesterday.
After The Fires
what i've been doing all of covid.. editing a lot of work...
it's been an intense weekend, going through and editing a huge portfolio of three "after the fires".. years 2015, 2017 and 2020 in sonoma county...
when my son moved to northern cali 11 years ago.. it was to be for a couple of years.. i knew then as i do now that he is embedded there.... and even if he were to move again.. it most likely will not be back to NY
what i didn't know, nor did he, is that evacuations and living under the threat of fire would be something he would contend with.. in fact the first 7 years there were no fires.. and no one thought about them, because they were not an issue or prevalent for that area in the past
roll forward to climate change.. yes there is climate change... hot temps, low rainfall and now it is very serious..every fall..
I remember the first fires... the phone call at 3 am.( i actually hung up on my son for not realizing the time difference, only to have him call again and again and say he is evacuating..( first fire) i remember sitting on my porch for two weeks listening to the radio and awaiting texts.. i even went out in the middle of the nite for a banana and cigarettes.. and i don't smoke.. and sat there chain smoking in fear
that year and all the ones that followed i always found myself there within 2 weeks after each fire.. ... friends of his losing homes... he evacuated, but coming back to the land.. behind the lines..... so much devastation the likes i had never seen before... up close and personal...... the heartbreak mostly of lost precious items of family connection and memories.. the displacement of lives, community.....
here in NY, the Northeast we may get a few storms. but nothing the likes of this..and not repetitively..... i wanted to bear witness and began documenting back in 2015
it's a robust portfolio that leaves you heavy in a swirl of devastating emotions just like being engulfed with the fire all over again...but there is beauty... and in the end there is also recovery.. a flower in the midst of charred ground.. and this time, (i just spent the last 5 weeks there) the green grasses and flowering trees emerging within devastation.....
i have much to choreograph, but it is with love and huge respect for all those that battle this again and again and all those that work tirelessly to save lives and property
