Gratitude in 2016

Thanksgiving....... gratitude....... Xmas.......celebrate.......New Years...... reflection....

As i look to the horizon....... i look back on the setting sun too...... not to just the last year.... but to all the years prior that led to the transformation of the woman i’ve become today..... to the world i have read about in stories and seen in movies before my arrival.. to the one i've lived as a child... an emerging adult and to the world we have inherited in the present..... 

there is so much to contemplate.... achievements..failures... strengths.... weaknesses ... sadness... joy...... fear.....hope.... grief......wonder.......Resolve...intention.....

what do we want for our future?? ourselves? others? our world? 

where ever you are at this moment in life... my wish is that all of you traverse this time and place with ease and courage.....to walk in your unique life.. with purpose and pride...

live openly as you can bc this world when we to take notice is incredibly abundant.. even and more so, in the treasure trove of small gems and moments..... people , places and experiences..... 

i hope 2016 and beyond is good to all of us . much love on this drizzly warm sunday morning.......

in the still of the night

in the still of the nite.. when silence wraps itself around you..and your mind begins to quiet from all the murmurings of the day ..you can begin to feel your heart beat...your breath..your solitary thoughts ... your lifes blood pulsate....mingled with memories. dreams.. all that you love and hold dear... the brain free falls.. lets go of all its constraints....finally succumbing to sleep and the free unconscious mind..

driving down the highway

driving down the highway.. tears running incessantly down my cheeks... why? Sure im going to Sloan Kettering Cancer Hospital for my first official check up after finishing IV treatment in May..... 

but i’m the lucky one. Chemo over.. check.. Radiation over... check... Herceptin IV for a year... over... check... now just on an oral medicine for several years........

but it’s the memory... the feeling of being imprisoned by the dates and sessions for so long. sucked into the vortex of the hospital that is so familiar, like the inside of your home.. the carpet.. the furniture.. the smell... and then being surrounded by so many breast cancer patients at different stages of treatment.. losing hair... bald.. wigs.. scarves..hats......and those like me sporting a new short hair style..... growing in..

we look at each other...checking each other out.... the way i did when i first entered with a full thick head of long hair... imaginging myself always at the stage just ahead of me.. but always noticing the “one" with hair growing back and thinking how lucky they were.. done with treatment.. have hair. and re-entering a life absent of cancer....and everything that goes with it..

But Guess what? That is NOW ME! i made it through.. i’ll always have one eye looking over my shoulder ,but i’m so grateful for the lessons learned from this experience.. a game changer for me.... understanding time is of the essence.. the Now.. the being present.. for self. for others... making that known.. my heart bigger than ever....

the tears were a cleansing... like the spring rains.. fertile ground for fresh new growth

staying present

first children to stay at my air b n b ........ ellie shows me all she has learned at dance camp.... the joys and magic of a life in every single moment..... adults are more global...... i think we have a lot to learn by looking back....... staying present

best place to cool down from summer heat

during the brutal heat of a few weeks.. the best place to get cool was the movie theatre.... too hot and humid for the streets to shoot ... not a total loss i turned it on the theater itself..

in love with the land

sunday morning..... day of rest.... peace and reflection for me... easy going........ nature recently has really been so restorative for me... country drives.. wide open lands... hills.. flowers... they all look more precious and sharp to me...... i am in love with the land again...

dreaming .. on the road again

inspired by another mobile home photo today.... i can’t help but to find some of my own from this summer.... i’ve been watching them.. enchanted... covetous even....for that feeling of having a home on wheels...to be with a camera... although many are choosing little houses and trailers these days as a permanent residence

... well its been forever... as a home.... but i think often associated with “well mb they cant afford rent... or a home”...possibly the case for many.. but .. NO i think others were on to something long before it became vogue.... a simpler way... more economical....community spaces..... and for those doing it to take to the road to see this vast country... they been ahead of the rest of us for a long time........... 

not saying i want to live in one..i don’t..... but I’m taking more of a notice and interest of them everywhere.. was i less aware before? all i know is I’m drawn to them.. and i see others drawn to them.. and i wonder if there is some primal call on some level for the basics.. and fluidity that being on the road can bring..... like being on the back of a motorcycle and your hair is blowing back in the breeze.. a sense of freedom.. open road.. who knows where you will end up.....

as i get older.. ... there are some things that rise to the surface.. percolate...... a hit list of things i want to do.. try...places i want to go.... the list is grande of course..... bc the world is so far reaching...and i want to absorb and experience what is possible.. but there is the short list too... and this one is definitely on it

satisfy your thirst

put your head back... get the very last drop....satisfy your thirst ...