Little Sleep State of The World

i didn’t sleep well last nite.. too much watching the news. worrying about the state of affairs in this world and in our country.... we are in a war with ourselves... inbred war ... stemming from a multitude of issues.. not just one... and not really focusing on the root of these issues.. be it gun control, mental health, so many disenfranchised left out of the system, religious intolerance.. it’s a country feeding on itself.. in ugly ways.. and making us all so disheartened. pained. uneasy..

yeah we want to go on with our lives.. and we do.. but we can’t go on to the next and the next event..like flavors of the week.. we need to pull these systemic problems apart..we have to find collaborative ways to fight back with peace...  

and then add salt to the wounds we have people we can’t even fathom how they are there. like trump running for office.. and all the people supporting him.. so there in lies another problem.. that people can get behind a man like this.... i scratch my head in complete disbelief...

i think about young women/ men ready to have children.. those already with them.. i can’t imagine how they talk about these things...and explain . bc it’s so random... and happening so often.....how are we to feel safe? were we ever safe? 

there has always been wars. atrocities... but this randomness of little wars... when you don’t even know they are declared.. on defenseless and underserving innocent civilians... dying for no cause of their own.. I’m sickened. sad.. bewildered..... and feel unsettled....  

i hope there will be a way for a better future ahead.. i hope the youth.. become a force... socially minded... less financially so.... not that they dont need money. but most important is a Conscience..................... i dont know how to operate in a world where many dont have that.. scary stuf

one lucky woman

I’ve been in treatment since last feb... why then when I’m closing in on the end (may 1) of my every three week Non Chemo IV cycle am i feeling the load of this whole experience now??......... is it that I’m reviewing all my images taken during this time?.... that it’s all hitting me very fully, everything i have gone through and how far i have come?..... how transformational this experience was personally... that I’m a changed person..... stronger..appreciative... more compassionate and loving than ever.... probably all of it...it’s very hard to process sometimes....

I’m heading in tomorrow for one of those days..... and I’m feeling very humbled.. yet anxious.. not sure why..... but just want to put out there into the universe.. how despite it all.. and in spite of it all... i am one lucky woman...

Up and Down

sometimes it’s hard to know if your going up or down.... but in reality it’s probably a little bit of both... movement.. in each direction.. growth... you need the experience and history of the past to get to your future...

Flames Of Life

the home no longer stands... the contents burned , but for a few items... yet you can look out a remaining window and see the beautiful world that still lies ahead.............

i can’t help but to feel the analogy..... where there is pain.. destruction... loss.....deep loss, abandonment.. loneliness.....conflict.... there is something greater.. bigger.. that still remains... we just need to keep looking........ it doesn’t make the hurts/ pain dissipate or forgotten....... but i tell you one thing i have really appreciated is mother nature in all her glory.......... the mountains, the sea, the valleys.. farmlands...rivers....... and those people you connect so deeply with ..rebuilding.. growth..... Love...... it remains.......can not be burned or killed.... flames of life can always be re-kindled.

Left Behind; Aftermath of Fire

[image] from after a fire....what remained.....

What if you were to leave your home one day... only to find out your home was burned to the ground and all the precious items you hold near and dear were gone? ..... but maybe when you came back to look.. there was something .. even something small that remained and may or may not necessarily be costly, but priceless in memory.. connection....

i know for myself .. i’d be beyond devastated if if happened to me.. but the empty walls of what i call home are not home... it’s the myriad of memories . and certain items that are like magnets... things that resonate so much with me.. small trinkets, garbage to another... but precious to me... others more valuable.. that are irreplaceable.... but if i put them up on a wall or on a shelf in another location.. it would still feel a little like home to me in a way bc those items are healing.. are like a piece of my spirit ...

What are those items you have in your home.... that resonate with you???.. if you had to pick one, two, mb just three?.... 

Who would be willing for me to come to their home.to show me .and share those special precious items that they’d be heartbroken to lose.. but be so elated to see saved... items that ground you for various reasons.... i’d be honored to do so.. and to shoot images for this personal project I’m thinking about...

Up On A Hill , JamaicA

i remember this day so well…as i do for so many of the images i take….. driving along a road in the countryside of jamaica.. and seeing this man on the hill sitting in front of his home… i got out. walked up a path and spent some time with him. he had a very mystical quality to him,, shot a few images.. had a conversation……..
it’s moments like these i love.. cherish and miss when I’m not out and doing what i love most…. connecting with others.. in whatever capacity.. bringing us across each others paths…and together in this universe for however long that may last..

what am i looking at?

what am i looking at?? often when people look at an image or some form of expression they say.. i don’t get it... what does it mean?.. it’s significance. i was dragged around as a child to museums often yawning and bored bc much of what i saw made no sense at all to me there was no context of understanding at such a young age....

so does this image looking at it..a glass.. outside so what....... but the day i shot it ... it meant a ton to me.. it represented a state i have been in for many months. and hence symbolic for me..

I’ve sort of been isolated bc of a diagnosis that led me into a fight for the past recent months and for some more ahead of me...... i felt singular .. one as i looked out into the public.. i am different. i feel different... I’m changed.. dont they see.. can’t they tell ..or is it only me who knows. sees .. can understand..

I’ve been fortunate.. very fortunate with intense gratitude to be buoyed , cushioned by so many friends.. and family.. who have held me/ lifted me up and prevented me from drowning....(water in the glass.) and me the one singular seed.floating.maintaining......yet solo feeling isolated.... and yet surrounded by .. the living. growing.. the green outside of me..the world.............. but feeling a bit contained, imprisoned... to do what i need to do... my journey inside the containment.... i.e. ... glass....

so as i lay in the chair on a beautiful spring day.. a bit weary.... trying to rest and enjoy the day ahead of me. i turn over to look at my glass. and this is what hits me right in the gut of my soul. camera always nearby.. it’s all i could shoot.. something so close to me.. so right there in my face.. seemingly a big fat nothing... to most..but for me a simplistic visual of how i felt

Captured

life has captured me .. more still than normal... not something asked for.. or that i like at all.. especially with the energy i normally possess... but look at the stillness here.. the beauty.... the solitude.. the dreamy quality.. it brings peace to me.... ease 

i am looking forward to a time in the not too distant future.. when i can get in the car.. get lost.. road trip. places unknown.. everything a surprise around the corner... prefer somewhere west....... have no idea. where to begin.. part and parcel. just that i know i want to do that.. it’s always been a dream of mine. people. landscape..vintage reminders of days gone by.... 

so much to do and see.. my eyes.. my heart.. my soul.. is seeking patience.. for that day that will soon come when i can harness my passions and follow my dreams..